Simply put, she is not your friend. She stopped being just your friend from the moment you started liking her and wanted to go out with her.
Telling yourself that “you want her in your life,” is your misguided attempt at trying to justify why keeping someone who has rejected you, and who you keep pinning for, should be around you. Anyone else, seeing this scenario objectively would call that for what it is: masochism.
What you are going through is not unique, we ALL have gone through exactly what you are saying right now to yourself at one point in our lives. How long you fall for it, well, that is up to the individual. We all have gone through those justifications at one point or another, and the answer is generally the same:
You have to make more of a distance between the two of you. Don’t talk to her. It is not impossible. The point is that you do not want to because you have feelings for her. Duh.
I am NOT saying that maybe in the future you cannot be friends, what I am saying is that you need time to heal and emotionally move on and you are not going to achieve that —regardless of what you tell yourself — if she always is around you, or you are just going to be making everything more torturous for yourself.
Otherwise this is what is more likely to happen:
You will linger, pretending to be her friend until the day that she finds a guy, supper hot! If she thinks you are friends, then expect for her to tell you ALL about it! Since you know, you are just her friend! She will tell you about her first date, how cool he is. How much she likes him, and how she cannot wait until he calls her again! Imagine how happy she will be when that guy finally texts her! Maybe she will even tell you about their first kiss …and more. Meanwhile, there is nothing you can say, since you are just friends. You just smile, ’cause that is your role. You are not a hero or a great *friend,* for unnecessarily putting yourself through this. You are only proving that you haven’t fully yet learned to let go. That’s it.
Or… she is very well aware you still have feelings for her and will tell you next to nothing. Due to her misguided way of trying to protect your feelings. Which overtime will make you angry, since your own jealousy or emotional bias will make you wonder and doubt things. Like, “Why HIM over ME?” Or, “He is a loser and not good enough for her!” Or, “She said she was going to call me and she did not! WHY?!?” Basically, you will never be as important as that guy, and it does not matter what you think, since in this instance, you have no say in it. You are just her friend.
Even if the guy is an asshole to her, any issues you raise, even if correct, likely will get challenged because she will think you are saying it because you have your own ulterior motives. Which you will find incredibly frustrating and eventually you will quit the friendship as a statement to your own emotional peace.
Most likely, your friendship will end. Most likely, because you decided to take the super long way of handling your own emotions and she might think you are getting too needy, or too demanding. Even if you are honestly not.
OR
You could give yourself some time away. Go no contact for some time. Deal with your broken heart, move on. Maybe date someone else. Move on and maybe sometime in the future, once you are a little more mature about your feelings and you can honestly say to yourself that you are over her, re-engage your friendship. Both being better people without all the masochism and drama due to you currently sticking around, just ‘cause.
So who are you? A person who follows the mature path like literally almost all humans eventually learn to do, or you want to follow your own misguided path and go for the extra, unnecessary drama? Both will eventually lead you to the same outcome. One is just simpler —and arguably way easier in the long run— than the other AND you are also more likely to be able to save a friendship in the process if you pause it for now.
Your call.
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