What If A Woman Says She Wants To Spend Time Together But Cancels Due To Always Being ‘Busy.’

I faced these issues when I was a teenager. Oh, the silly things kids will do for the girl they like.

Here, I am going to make your life so much easier, right now, ready? Here we go:

Do this litmus test:

“Girl says she wants to hang. She bails. Ask her why and it better be a reasonable answer. You should never be anyone’s doorstep, regardless of how much you like her. But, no worries, and don’t fret. If her answer makes reasonable sense, thenaz make an alternate plan/date.

BUT… If she says she wants to hang, then ask HER when it would the best time for her to have the two of you meet. Hence, the time is selected by her. Even if the location is selected by you.

If she bails again, even on an exact date she picked, then just don’t push it, thank her for the excuse/reason —always be a gentleman— and just move on. If she wanted to really be with you, this simply would not be an issue. Right? People make time for what they care about. If she cares, she would try to make amends, just like anyone else would do, in that position. So, if she does not?

Isn’t it obvious? She is not that into you and she is probably too spineless to tell you straight up, or, for some reason she thinks that not being direct is the best way to be kind to you and spare your feelings, or she is just stringing you along because well — a million and one— different and possible reasons. Why? Because this is human society for you. Everyone tends to avoid putting themselves directly on the line in almost everything that contains an element of perceived risk, which of course, it also applies to you, reading this, too. Many girls and women are like this, and so are many men, too. You are unlikely to change them now — or ever— so don’t try. That is fine. Find someone else. Period.”

By the time I was 20, if a girl bailed/cancelled last minute/etc or she gave me some crappy/ridiculous excuse, I was never rude, but I would not waste my time, I would not press it, and I would move on. This is the fallacy of the young, inexperienced mind, who thinks that there is always some secret quip, or saying, or poem, or grand gesture that will suddenly make a girl or a guy who is not interested in you at all, get all hot, then disrobe and naked in front of you, and ready to sex you, right there and then — if you only knew what that secret was. That’s just called watching too many movies or reading too much romantic literature or it is just a blatant, if hopefully brief denial of reality, or of the agency of the person they are interested in. No such thing exists. Either someone is into you, or they are not. Let that sink in, and just let it go. If you have made a mistake and if she wants you bad enough still, then she can reach out to you.

Where is the equality I hear women say they want, so badly? Let them use their strong sense of empowered agency and ask you out, if they want you badly enough. Otherwise, we/they are cherry picking or we all being a bunch of hypocrites. So let’s don’t do that. Let’s be mature about it.

If they were still interested, then they would have to call me if they so wanted and make plans, but I was not going to act like a little puppy running behind them. If they wanted to hang, well, then it was their turn to take up some ownership and actually do something. This may sound ridiculous to some, but women did it. Perhaps, they respected that I treated them like people and not objects, nor pushed them, or tried to convince them, like some desperate guys do. No one is worth dating at the cost of my self-respect, especially when I am being reasonable and fair about it. No reason to be petty or rude. You wish no ill will on anyone, but you are also not going to play silly psychological or power games, either.

Men (or boys) usually get too hanged up over a single girl and depending on their self-respect —or lack of it— will jump through ridiculous hoops for said girl, over and over. Our media over romanticizes this way too much to the point that both men and women begin thinking this is the only valid approach. Which is not.

I have seen boys and men do this dozens upon dozens of times throughout their life, without ever really catching on. Well, I have news for you, you do that and it will damage or worse, kill your sense of self-worth over time, so don’t. It is weird, since most of us inherently know this, already. I am also almost certain that deep inside, you reading this already know this, too.

I still do not get why immature people do that or accept it, albeit likely because they have yet to date mature people and know better. This happens often, as in my experience mature people can be quite rare. Mature people don’t put people through hoops. Mature people respect each other’s time. Mature people do not play dating/emotional games. However, many people can’t or won’t be direct, so, then go back to the good old fashioned: “actions speak louder than words” axiom. If the actions say, “not interested,” then take the hint. Save yourself time.

After I realized this, whether my relationships worked out or not, it was never due to any of the silliness I have mentioned above, because I would filter out the women who would try to pull these stunts, so I stopped having to deal with them. The best way to win at that game is to simply not play at all.

Once you date a reasonable, intelligent and mature partner, you simply cannot go back to that silliness. You won’t. Why would you?

You will notice the differences as obvious as night and day in people, regardless of gender. Incidentally, this made it easier for me to find partners I could click with in a way faster fashion than before, as it became easier to filter incompatible partners quickly and with less effort. As you will start picking up queues pretty quickly, so you will be able to control your emotions better, giving you the benefit of not acting like an automaton —like many men tend to do— over perhaps very attractive, but highly incompatible partners. Since you will know better to not fall for people’s looks as easily, or to not put up with their crap. In other words, you will gain confidence simply because you will honestly and objectively know what you want through reasonable and fair assertions and values, along with the awareness of limitations within yourself —which are okay, as we all have them— along with of what you see, in others. Not to mention become a better judge of character that you would have been otherwise, or whether you had just stumbled upon it through cheer luck, heartbreak or repetitive trials and drama.

If the people you are dating do these sort of silly things in their dating life, then perhaps you should find someone who does not do them. You will be happier, nay, far more content, for it.